I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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