WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
