their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
