Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
