Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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