If i come over, it means nothing
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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