a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
