it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
