Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
The best revenge is premature balding
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
