Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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