He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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