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• (260): View more from Indiana

  So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes

  (1-260): View more from Indiana

  Are your eyes okay

  (260): View more from Indiana

  I mean if I was Asian they would be

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• (281): View more from Texas

  I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him

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• (213): View more from California

  those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.

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• (506): View more from New Brunswick

  i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss

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• (334): View more from Alabama

  You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.

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• (312): View more from Illinois

  Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?

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• (204): View more from Manitoba

  Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave

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• (270): View more from Kentucky

  Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?

  (945): View more from

  dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual

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• (206): View more from Washington

  Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b

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