awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
