Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
