I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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