I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
