Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
