everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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