Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
