he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i will never coherently bang her
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
