i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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