I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
