Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
