We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
