The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
