Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
