Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
