theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
