So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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