Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
