I smell stomach acid.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
