If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
