Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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