Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
