Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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