is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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