Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
