anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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