The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
