Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
