I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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