He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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