Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
