youre lurking in front of me
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
