Sry I called you an 8
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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