I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize