I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
