bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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