I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
