fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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