i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
