did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
