i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
