Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
