So drunk its hurt
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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