it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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