Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
