My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
My vagina just recognized that song.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
