wanna go halves on a baby?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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