Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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